Online Dating- Helpful Tips Especially For Guys

/ Hill Cumorah/

I don't recall ever seeing "Online Dating 101" in the course catalogue, and this could explain some of the choices made which lead to no rewards for the makers of those choices.  I figured it could be helpful to let people know a few tips that might make their time more productive.  As a female, these tips are aimed at guys, but could probably apply to any and all.

 

  • More than One Photo

  • Personalized Messages

  • Lose the Entitlement

 

Photos

Guys and girls have different reasons for wanting more than one photo.  Guys are often wanting to know "what she really looks like"  and seem to get their hopes up about her looking one way, and even if the photos are not altered....most girls are going to put the photos they believe to be most flattering, or when they are the most dressed up, possibly getting advice from their friends as to what to post....

Girls are more concerned with safety and getting cat-fished.  When a girl sees just one photo- it is going to seem like it may be a fake profile... even if there are 3 photos, if you are ABLE to have 10, but only put 3, that's going to look suspicious as well.  Additionally if they are all in groups where she can't see which one you are, no go.  If they are all far away or in bright harsh light or shadow, it doesn't work.  No matter how cool your expedition was, those are fine to put in there to show you have a cool life, but if that's ALL you have, we can't see what you really look like and therefore get a read on how we might feel about you.  Ironically I think girls care more about the face/eyes and getting a look into their spirit, so they want the closer photos, and guys tend to post more far away shots.  Whereas guys seem to be quite concerned with what her body looks like, yet they are more likely to find selfies or closeups of the girl showing off her hair/makeup/jewelry etc....   

Another note- it's been seen that there is such a range of photos guys post.  Some will have professional photos that could work better for Linked In.  That's nice- quality photos will always draw attention and give a boost.  Maybe they have a high quality camera and tripod--  great if they have photos in different settings.  But if all the photos look like they are from the same shoot within an hour of each other.  Doesn't really help things too much.  While there's no need to make sure every single one has you looking your absolute best, for the love of all holy things, there's no need to get the most unflattering angles of all and show that you can, in fact, create half a dozen chins when you point the camera up from underneath.  If you're not having  much luck, maybe it's time to poll a few friends and see what help they can offer.

 

Messages

I am dealing here with the types of people who are seeking quality interaction and meaningful conversation.  If you're looking for "fun" or "casual" you've reached the wrong number and I invite you to call Dr. Phil.  READ the profile!  COMMENT regarding something you read on the profile!  After a pleasant greeting!   If it's generic enough to lead her to believe you either have some program to send messages out to any and all girls, or you just copied and pasted, why should she reply?  What is her motivation since she certainly doesn't feel special to you in any way?  The idea is for her to feel like you took the 5 minutes to read "what she's about"  and actually have a response to that.   While some girls may be flattered by comments on their appearance, if you are trying to actually build "something real"  then focus on that which lasts- what's inside, the brain, the mind, beliefs, spirit.  Beauty while youthful is Luck.   Inner beauty takes work.  Compliment her on the WORK she has done, her achievements, her EFFORTS to become a better person or make the world a better place.  People have VALUE because they have the ability to improve the world with their ACTIONS.  Beauty isn't remembered after they die, but how they made someone feel, and the good they did is what lasts.  Focus on that and she will be many times more likely to reply than receiving  "you're hot."   

 

Entitlement

Somehow this conversation came up a few times recently.  The type of guy who whines about "being such a good guy" and being annoyed that "girls don't see him as more than a friend."  If he's only acting like a good guy to obtain romantic affections, then he's not ACTUALLY such a good guy!  A true friend will be happy for her no matter who she is attracted to.  And doesn't believe he SHOULD be thought of as more just because that's what HE WANTS.   He will respect and accept that it's entirely ok if she views him as a friend or brother, and even would feel honored and privileged to be her friend and spend time with her.  

And certainly the same goes for girls.  Sometimes a girl might feel that just because they have a lot in common, and she likes him, and she sees how great he is when all the girls he's going after don't see him that way, that if he came to his senses, he'd like her back.  Sometimes, as guys get older, they may look more for the long term qualities, than what they find visually attractive right off the bat.  But again, we are not entitled to their affections simply because we can see what a great match it would be logically.  Even if he seems to only go for Barbie looking girls, and even if anyone would agree how shallow that is, that's still his prerogative, and he has every right to those preferences, no matter how shallow or misguided they may be.  If it's anyone's place to change his mind on that, it's probably his mother or close friends.  

We can all value friendship more.  We can learn to keep our feelings in check and be happy to be friends, even when we feel attraction on various levels.  

 

 

Hopefully these are some things to think about to help your experience both on and offline.